we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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