If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
