she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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