If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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