tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
