The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
