Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
