pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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