So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
