you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
