I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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