I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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