I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Boobs speak an international language.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
