Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im holly from the hills drunk
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
