do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
