Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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