That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize