Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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