Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
