Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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