I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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