I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize