im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
