sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
