from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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