anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
