listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
