Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
