You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
