yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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