Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
