Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
