from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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