omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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