so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
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the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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