??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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