reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
