You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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