Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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