Just fell off a train. Bad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
