Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
