ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
