just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
