Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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