I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
