You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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