my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
