My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
