I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
