I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
