Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
3pm strippers are depressing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
