i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
