would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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