Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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