I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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