I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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