I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
