Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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