I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the day after is always just damage control
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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