saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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