I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
