True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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