I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
