Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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