Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize