There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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