Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
false alarm. still invincible.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
