i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Found the puke drawer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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