I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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