fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
