If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize