i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
