I just made out with a guy for $7.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
