Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
