Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
