haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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