this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
