Sry I called you an 8
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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