I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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