apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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