1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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