Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
