Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The adults are the big ones right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
