guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
